How to ask your parents for wedding money

Traditionally in this country, it is the bride’s parents who pay for the wedding event. However, times have changed and now many grooms want to contribute to the financial aspect of the affair. If you are a groom-to-be and your parents have conservative views about wedding traditions, asking them or anyone in your family to contribute to your wedding can be quite a challenge. But just like most things in this world, it can be resolved with the right diplomacy and some effective strategies. Here are some pointers to help you in this process.

1. Find the right time to talk to them.

As experience may have taught you, timing is everything. Just like when you were young, you never asked for date money when your dad and mom were fighting or when they were having a hard time about something. You always found the right moment. It is not any different today.

You should find the right time where both of your parents and your whole family are at ease, they are not stressed or problematic, and the atmosphere in the house is not tense. This would give you better chances for getting a yes on your financial request.

2. Gather them together in a place where you can talk.

Aside from the timing, you should also find a nice place where you and your family could talk. Choose a venue that is peaceful and quiet. This means that a disco bar, a fast food place, or the living room (where the kids hang out) are a no-no. Hold the conversation in a peaceful area in the house or ask them to join you for a cup of coffee in a café.

3. Talk to them about it nicely.

Tell them directly and nicely without beating around the bush. Something like, “Mom, Dad, I know this is not the tradition, but if it is all right with you, I would just like to ask your help for my wedding” would be an effective way to start. Never make guilt-trip strategies like (“Mom, remember I paid for your hospital expenses when you got sick?” or “Dad, it is about time you paid me back for the down payment I got you for your car.”)

4. Do not force them to contribute beyond what they can afford.

Now if your family agreed to make a contribution to your wedding, do not demand them to give an amount that they cannot afford or that they are not willing to share. Whatever amount they give you, be happy about it. (“What, you are only giving me this?! This is barely enough for the invitation expenses!” This is never a good way to thank your family for the financial assistance they extended.)

Just remember that these techniques are not 100% effective and it is still possible that after you have done everything right, your parents would not or could not make a financial contribution to your wedding. Because of this possibility, you should always have a back-up plan. You should have enough savings that you can use to spend for your wedding event. But sure enough, your family loves you and that they will probably do everything to make sure that they are able to help you in some other ways.

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